in retrospect, i probably shouldn't have referred to his dick as "travel size"
Yo dude either Brian has herpes or he was jerking off to Web MD 'cause I just walked in on him
i just realized the only form of arm exercise i get is holding my arms up in the stand up tanning booth
Went to use to bathroom and walked in on karaoke. Two girls singing "a whole new world" to each other in the shower. I'm gonna miss this place in the summer
he pretended not to hear me say our safety word. how do you think I feel?
We're on a cock hunt. Everything is fair game.
found a hand written recpiet for 'one doe fawn' on an open crate in my living room need help to find it
where the hell would u of bought a deer
Ladystoner tip: if eyes are bloodshot, lime green eyeliner makes them appear less red. its basic artt.
i'm too drunk to leave my room. poked my head out like a turtle and everyone knew i wasn't sober. i like it better in my nonjudgmental turtle shell anyway.
My tits, and hanging out behind a hotel eating pizza.
Everyone loves nachos, first of all. Second, Ke$ha is entirely appropriate for the age grou too young to realize she probably has Hep C.
Just remembered I railed lines while holding a puppy
immediately after sex he started talking to me about nerdy stuff he meant to text me earlier, I'm completely smitten
You whispered 'For Frodo', handed me your shirt, and charged campus security.
Omg dude take a shower. You'll feel like god washed away all the sinful shit we did last night.
Randomize
