I had to fart so bad so i let it go hoping it would be quiet, it was loud and shit came out!!! and i couldnt leave because her parents were behind me
Just saw a girl in a wheelchair puke then rally. Diversity matters.
sticking your finger down your throat to make yourself throw up is bulimia, not morning sickness, so no, I don't think you're pregnant.
Dude. I have been looking at your movie history on netflix and it is like looking at the rings of a tree. Only instead of telling me how old you are, it tells me when you were stoned.
if women knew the size of my dick, theyd be much more receptive to my sloppy drunken advances
I made two strippers play rock paper scissors to see who would give me a lap dance last night
It is a special kind of bonus when you find money you hid from yourself when you were drunk in the tampon box. What did we do last period?
I woke up this morning in the house, I didn't realize it was physically possible to duct tape a person to the wall...
Just found a pack of birth control on the corner of Oakland and Thomas, so if your desperate its up for grabs.
Well I'm going to hell. But I'm going after multiple orgasms.
Yeah I mean subtle isn't how I'd describe your flirtation strategy last night
STOP GETTING GIRLS PREGNANT IN MY BED.
I'm constantly crying, and now I start crying every time I masturbate which is a fun development.
I'm having shoppers remorse over a dildo
What! I said that you would fall in love? See I know better. Dark liquor makes me think everything is a dream. I barely remember saying that
Randomize
