Tell your boobs to stop staring at me.
I just found out I was conceived in a rehab facility... that's better than finding out your dad could be someone else right?
Dude. The girls called me over to see what they had in their dorm. They snuck in a pigeon in a cardboard box. They named it Quincey. They swear they're sober.
Registered sex offender is the model in class today.... There are too many things wrong with him getting naked in front of a lot of college students.
Leaving the phone at home last night was the best decision I ever made.... Though I still managed to text her and now I have 2 phones...
His penis smells like laundry I just wanted to cuddle it
I vote we get high and sneak off to McDonald's to get mcflurries.
YES. ALL MY YES.
Aka reading hardcore gay robot porn as a steady trickle of elementary schoolers walk by me every so often and im still in uniform as there councilor
Who is also still dressed up as a pirate
Well that's what you get for messing around with her vagina. I told you it was a fickle and insatiable creature.
I believe the question is can one ever have too many vibrators?
cake and sex. what better combination is there.
i just drunk stumbled into my home... to figure out that we moved 2 weeks ago..
I love you as a roommate, but you GOTTA start using the door dude..
bitch, i have a flask. i've got things under control.
god. marry me.
in the future we should consider sippy cups so we can drink and passout accordingly
Randomize
