i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
shut up.
apparently i broke a 100 dollar bill to tip the bartender on a free drink
Hey guys, just to let you know, I have a boyfriend...so that hookup was kind of a one time thing.
was that a mass text??
they hired a photographer to take a family portrait for grandmas bday gift. we just hired a male stripper. we are def the better grandkids.
I'm just not sure how to initiate the "do you want to have sex with my boyfriend and I" conversation
i can't remember the last friday i didn't spend in the foetal position
its barely noon and he already threw up and i have second degree burn
No, i went to get it done but the guy couldnt find it. exhibit A of why i wanted a clit piercing in the first place.
I lost a little respect for your boyfriend when I learned that he has a scar from a Cheerio.
3 things I learned last night: 1.) I'm not as light as I used to be. 2.) Sex on the roof of a convertible is a really bad idea. 3.) The hospital now has super glue pens for sealing minor cuts instead of stitches!
Umm, ya, half our class is sitting in starbucks passing around flasks. Yes, flasks. Plural. Going to join them, we're all giving oral presentations in 20. Go hard or go home.
I just found a 2 minute video on my phone of you throwing up in a fake plant.
These are all good points. But, I think your under estimating what it's like to be held upside down for a standing 69
'TWAS BUT A GLORIOUS SIGHT. BITCHES.
if i ever get to the point where i am moaning when i pee, please do the honorable thing and kill me.
Randomize
