foreplay: 7 minutes. sex: 3 minutes. cuddling: 10 minutes. getting dressed: 5 minutes. commute: 5 minutes.
His mom just described him as a manipulative, deceitful bastard -- oddly I still want him
True. She actually gives a fuck. A quality looked down upon if she wants to be one of us
you kept going on about how you couldnt haven been the one throwing up because you were peeing in circles.
Passed out on her toilet. Dog licked my face to wake me. Awkward talk with her boyfriend, who hadn't been home last night. Not sure exactly what town I'm in, but I'm south. Will call for ride when I figure it out.
Come, dress lightly, bring tequila...
Well, no one has ever described you as a perfectly balanced individual
Had to sacrifice my vibrator batteries to the thermostat gods. I had a dirty dream and also almost a heat stroke.
I think the sex rug burn on my back is infected, can you check it out when you get home?
Between fucking and sleeping I woke up missing four out of five of the earrings I was wearing. It's like a star rating system. I had to give him props.
Grandma's bordering on serious shit show territory at this point.
I'm eating year old chocolate from the trash can. It was in a ziploc bag but still, this is a new low. Help me.
I'm going to confession for the first time in 6 years. Where do I start, the gay sex or rampant alcoholism?
Can I get my morals surgically removed?
GOOD MORNING! This is your wake up call! Just incase this text wasn't enough, I had sex on your bed last night while you were drunk hitting on my sister. Dan jizzed on your pillow! We rubbed it on both sides! Now get up and go to class!
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