You're going to have to start masturbating with your left hand. Or with someone's vagina
he asked me out through an event invitation on facebook, the title read Romantic Dinner For 2
I seriously think I have a tan line on my stomach from getting a boner while in the taning bed.
its 9am and we're in an escalade. I have no shoes and my dress is on backwards. I feel like we're the morning after a rap video
Convinced the domino's pizza delivery person to go to shaws and buy me a bottle of wild turkey. For america.
Thou shall not celebrate other people's birthdays as if they were thy own
yeah dropping that class because i really don't want to be known as the girl who fell asleep in class and threw up as she walked out for an entire semester
Ummm so I'm at the hospital and just heard some guy get tazed......twice.
And I might have stolen a bag of Doritos out of Matt's car and hid them in my bag and gave individual chips out to people dancing, trying to convince people they were mini tacos.. Like why Am I allowed to be an adult
The first thing I did in 2015 was suck a dick.....so.....
There's a fine line between kinky and serial killer
So you were shitfaced and stole a fucking kayak?
I'm sorry I crashed your motorcycle and watched you get robbed from a rooftop. Will you please come back or at least drop off my shoes?
it will be a surprise...all I can say is stripper clown.
Hot fire fighters installing my closet. Don't know how to go about this. Gonna nonchalantly take my shirt off and see what happens..
Randomize
