I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
Call me immediately, my only recent boy news involves me biting a dick.
Someone's playing Limp Bizkit out loud on the train. I think the decade reset it self.
If you're trying to piece together your night, I can tell you where those tassels came from.
No i'm not calming down the girl at white castle did not need to see the picture of my dick on your phone.
Tomorrow's thirsty thursday is now sponsored by the three time champion, chemisty failure. celebration starts asap.
My mom now keeps ice cubes on hand for my bong water. We may be able to work this relationship out.
You told him he looked like Jesus and that you wanted to fuck his face, I'd say your blind date went well
I'm not sure if 14 year old me would be disappointed or proud that I fucked him behind her middle school??
How proud should I be that I googled "dildo with wheels" and actually got the result I wanted?
I'm pretty sure my calc professer is on coke. He's just too excited for this to be an 8am class.
I just texted my mom from a strip club.
Ive realized that in order for me to understand math, my professor has to be hot.
I fell out of my bed whilst trying not to move this morning. I AM ADULT
I had ice cream for breakfast two days in a row.
SUPER ADULTS
She kept telling me that it pissed her off that i expect people to make out with me...then she made out with me. Win?
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