Having a conversation over beer pong about a threesome I participated in...it's only Wednesday
you tried to clear everyones facebook status so that yours would be the only one on everyones home page
i'm at the gym and so are four guys who have seen my tits. i need winter break.
so he came in me this morning and i was like WTF DUDE. i called him Daddy until he agreed to pay the full $40 for plan B. He wants to name our Patrick because it will be a st pattys day baby. absolutely NOT.
If you're missing hair this morning, i'm sorry in advance
The extent of my physical activity is running from the cops.
Look dude I'm sorry I used your bong to snorkel in my bathtub last night
She has an emergency bra in her purse. I'm gonna check no on the 'introducing her to my new boyfriend' box.
The only thing I regret was that he was wearing a scarf when we made out.
Please explain why there is a video of you peeing in the Taco Bell bathroom on my phone? Also why did you wink at the end?
Making drunken Mac n cheese at 3 am I understand why witches constantly stir their cauldrons. Much more homogenized temperature and slim chance of boiling over. Good job witches.
dude he's still passed out in my bathtub. and his dick is half way in a 40 bottle... i really hope he was just trying to piss in it
He told me he was married and then fingered me on the kitchen counter. It was awkward to explaining the broken toaster to my roommates this morning...
Everyone should just give me a copy of their keys. I take your dog out and I bring beer.
He's a college graduate, has an excellent job, and respects his family. To say nothing of his 8.5 inch cock. His narcolepsy not withstanding...I'm marrying this motherfucker.
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