You were right. It hurts to walk today.
No now hes going to beat me to our goal of getting someone to have sex in the library. I hate periods.
I don't know what to judge you more for.
We've shared an experience, my friend. I, too, have talked on the phone with a parent while giving a handjob
She thought someone was breaking in but when I said it was me she got even angrier and threw a coffee mug at my head.
I totally just potholed and almost crashed while trying to lick salsa off my boob.
Hickies on top of my hickies. I need a leash and/or a positive female role model
When theres a zombie apocalypse, i will be the only fat survivor. I ate chef boyardi ravioli with part of a pen for a fork
That hot guy i showed you guessed my exact bra size. I want to have his tan babies.
He was making Jim beam nachos. Chips soaked in whiskey with cheese
I'm gonna eat more dunkaroos to cope with what's in my vagina.
Apparently I was having great conversation with this 48 year old on grindr & he was concerned as to how I was getting home.
Just taxi'd to the airport holding a zip lock bag of my own vomit. Bachelorette success.
Drunk me really needs to stop 1. telling every attractive dude in a relationship that monogamy isn't real 2. Proposing threesomes with them and their girlfriends
Need ride home. Girls. Stolen keg. Rolling down streets. Horny girls. No condoms. Rescue needed. girls and beer in exchange for rescue and bacon?
I. Hate. You. Where are you, are said girls cute, and how did you know I bought bacon? And how does this always happen to you?
Smarter than the average bear
There’s nothing that says motivation more than watching these little geniuses on Kids Baking Championship New Year’s Day. I’m ready to fuck shit up this year.
Randomize
