Hey, kurt drew a penis on you and wrote my innotals. I had nothing to do a/ that.
i stole $50 bucks from my girlfriends purse to pay for my other girls abortion pill...shes gonna be pissed
You know you're true friends when you can talk about what sexual diseases you may or may not have.
after giving each other head, we had a really nice post-oral heart to heart. found out he lost his virginity in a threesome.
He managed to completely creep out every girl I was with last night. It was almost inspiring how efficient it was.
just letting you know that jen either: wasn't feeling well and ate grass to make herself throw up or threw up because she's stupid and ate grass
Whenever there is a ShotSki involved, I have no excuse but to drink, right? It's like a rule.
Yes, but it's not new to me. It's like every time a new guy finds out I'm a squirter it's a novelty so they make me squirt and squirt and squirt until their bed is completely soaked. And then afterwards they complain that there isn't a dry bit to sleep on. No shit Sherlock.
I'm going out w/ her for her b-day in a bit. I just talked to one of her drunk friends on the phone who asked if I could "handle 7 lesbian." This could be interesting.
You just stood up, raised your glass and said, "I'd like to thank the academy" then fell through a glass table. THAT'S why we cut you off.
WTF YOU SHOULDNT BREAK A SWEAT TAKING A SHIT. MY BODY HATES ME.
I CAN'T FUCK HIM OUTSIDE. THAT'S FOR PEASANTS. HE'S TOO FAMOUS FOR THAT.
We were in the middle of a serious discussion about social justice and he pulled sequins out of his teeth and kept talking like nothing had happened.
Hungover, threw up in a cosmetic case in my car this morning. This is real life.
What's the rule for getting in fights with homeless men in suits?
Here's a rule: don't
Randomize
