It says i should accept HIV aids as my friend on facebook.We have 12 friends in common. I need new friends.
We walked in and found his glass coffee table broken and you in the bathroom throwing up saying "What a bad first impression."
He corrected me on my grammar when I came. Fuck English majors.
She was giving you that "I really want to blow you but I have to act professional" look. Guaranteed
You need to come over. I cant get her to stop eating honey mustard straight from the squeeze bottle
He crawled over to me grabbed my boob asked me if I liked cats and then passed out. If that's really my RA, it's gonna be a long year
Dad and I are shitfaced screaming at Canadians in Walmart. Life is good.
Hootey the Owl eats a mean pussy.
Um, OK. WTF?
The guy from the Halloween party. We finally hooked up. Went down in me for 45 mins. Came 4 times.
The Universe is CLEARLY playing a bad joke on your sex life
I just saw a girl drinking wine and walking her dog in footie pajamas and a mad hatter hat. First day of the new year and I think I'm in love.
I feel like you should put up a missed connections ad for this..
Don't take advice from me. I'm simultaneously shitting and eating cheesecake.
Are you jealous of my sweatsuit? It's how I get men on Tinder.
Is it a bad sign starting the new year off naked, wet, and alone?
Asking for a friend of course
Obviously you're feeling a little sexually frustrated.
I consider humping a stranger every ten minutes when I walk in the street.
I'd rather plunge my eyes out than acknowledge being related to either of my brothers
Randomize
