Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
I just watched a blind kid buy from one of the vending machines on campus...guess there's nothing like a good surprise?
all nice guys are gay and all hot ones are assholes
You're fat. Stop making excuses
You better fuck one or both of those bitches and bring me pictures that will make me uncomfortable
I can do at least one of those things.
As his dick went in he shouted GOAL at the top of his voice.
I dnt think she needs convincing on the threesome part, it's the threesome with your roommate situation that needs some work
Your topless pictures make me question reality
I wonder how your parents would feel if the scarf they gave me for Christmas is mainly being used for a blindfold during sex...
He stood me up.
I'm no sure if I should be pissed or proud that he finally grew a backbone.
You might be at the point of severe desperation when you gotta hold the two pieces of your broken vibrator together just to get off.
But yesterday I literally met half his family buzzed wearing a cheeta print bathing suit super short shorts and a tiny tank top.. I was like awesome
Saying someone's good at giving head is like saying someone is good at pouring juice like there is that one girl who will spill it everywhere but for the most part it's not that hard to be good at
YOU CANT FOOL THE TOILET
Someone is giving away free yogurt on craigslist. Can I get a ride?
Things that don't wash off in the shower: black eyes and hickies.
Randomize
