Operation extremely regretful is in full effect
dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
Ooooh. That's not a mole. Uncomfortable.
i wants your nipples near my face. PLEASE????
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I can already tell this is gonna be one of those parties where we sit across the room and text about people.
If I'm having a dream where I'm having sex and I can actually feel it between my legs because I've had a lot of it recently, does that make me a whore?
I have a feeling this is a serious question. Problem solve, Jess.. I'm going to let you figure that one out on your own
you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
Dude. I have been looking at your movie history on netflix and it is like looking at the rings of a tree. Only instead of telling me how old you are, it tells me when you were stoned.
Just ducktaped my beer to my bike. See you in ten.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
whoever brushed my teeth and whitened them while i was passed out, thanks.
Just received a visit from the Ghost of Bad Decisions Past. Kind of weird 90% of the flashbacks happened in the same sixteen month span, the rest happened at Taco Bell.
Can I just say I love that you have a kegorator on your wedding registry?
Still no second date. Guess you shouldn't show guys your taser on the first date.
I just set my messenger to Away so I could run downstairs to masturbate. Working from home is the BEST
He took me out to dinner to tell me we had to stop fucking so randomly
Honestly wish he pleased me as much as queso does
Randomize