Seriously, I'd take them all over any of the milfs here...and you know how much that means coming from me
If I die tonight, wear a V neck to my funeral.
They had a "who can aim further away from the toilet" contest. I'm now washing piss off my ceiling.
How was the bike ride?
Nope. High in the basement. Fruit cups.
The nurse told me they're using the same medicine that killed michael jackson.
I introduced him to the male G-Spot. Don't ever tell me I'm not experienced.
Theres a picture of you hanging up on the wall in mcdonalds, i'm impressed
I think if I set up a series of baby gates up the stairs each one more difficult to undo then the last that should be able to stop your drunk vagina.
I came so hard I burst a blood vessel in my eye. If i cant marry this girl, I'm gonna have to switch teams.
Dude I thought she was trying to turn my dick inside out
You are the only lesbian I know that needs plan b
He called me for phone sex. Do you know how hard it is to fake an orgasm, and play Candy Crush at the same time?
Any idea why my ass cheeks are bruised again?
The fact that theyre bruised AGAIN means you're not adult enough to know why.
There's a dude wearing a banana suit at the house across the street....
You were crying hysterically
So that's why my heels were in the oven...
Randomize
