Gonna be late. Someone jumped in front of our train.
If the pens lose tonight I'm gonna drive to Detroit and burn 8 mile to the ground.
Actually I may do that regardless. Probably get my own holiday.
This guy behind me is answering all of her questions. I may give him a lapdance to take my next test for me
A relator touring our house this week saw the picture in our bathroom of steven passed out, yellow faced, with BALLS on his forehead, and had to ask "if that kid was alive or dead".
"thanks for the sex" was written in lipstick on my bathroom mirror. i'm officially done with random hook ups.
the coastal evacuation route ends at my vagina so you can just skip the bullshit and come over
I mean, I'm twenty four years old and I've never paid for my own drink. You can't say that any of your ex girlfriends boobs are THAT great.
I CAME HOME WITH MY NIPPLES PEIRCED! WE WERE CAMPING. IN THE MOUNTIANS. I DONT EVEN REMEMBER IT AT ALL.
I wish men found my impeccable aim when spitting into the sink attractive.
He woke me up at 5am to recite nursery rhymes to our fictitious unborn child.
Things I have learnt this week: bubble mix is toxic. Extremely toxic.
Someone has big plans this weekend. Just went to throw away the trash and saw packaging for 3 different vibrators on the top of the stack
She text me that night and asked how the dick was and I quote my drunk self "average at best"
there is partying, then there is whatever we did last night.
He pulled out a Plan B pill and handed it to me as I left like it was a party favor. God Bless America.
Randomize
