Call me at 7:30 and make sure I'm not asleep in this booth at Waffle House.
He said he wanted to have kids with me so they could grow up to be professional linebackers. Not. A. Complient.
My gynecologist just commented on how well my vagina was waxed
It's like you are the superhero of getting jizzed on
yea. Don't mess. He will heal me. But my blowjobs will be historical.
Has anyone ever told you you're majestic like a sea turtle when you fuck?
And your cock privileges have been revoked.
You know you're an adult when you break 100 to get 75 cents, to buy a condom from a bar vending machine in South Boston.
I can't even masturbate without crying fuck this break up
Maybe she'll change her mind but the "go fuck yourself" doesn't seem promising
I was walking out the front door and heard his roomate say "It looks like you need a chiropractor." I think my work here is done.
I'm pretty sure I just smoked a chunk of cat food. Thought it was something else. No reply needed.
I put on a tiger onsie to initiate sex... It worked
Weird. And pubic lice are now endangered so your hairy balls can rest easy
I'm hung over and my mom made me go to church. I feel like such a sinner.
I need an aspirin and some dignity.
I didn’t say it was classy, I said it was sexy
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