3:47a: I take it you're not on your way over
i feel like i'm waiting in line to date brett michaels
he's afraid if he sleeps with me i'll go all lavender brown on him
...seriously? chocolate pudding? motorboating? No one has even done that to ME and i am 69 times the whore you are
PS, you're not being slutty, you're "making dreams true."
I let a guy with dreads drive my car, then demanded he take me back cause I don't let strangers drive my car, while repeatedly apologizing for being a cock block.
Be subtle and tell lucas that he should sleep here tonight. And by subtle, i mean show him this text...
I'm at work. It's margarita night. Someone literally just shouted "MURICUH!"
God bless us, everyone.
Can we please start going to the gym before I accidentally kill someone via explosive fat girl pants button accident
I don't think I've ever been sadder than the way I feel when I finish my meal while I'm high
Hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking you had a pulse
Ive seen a birth plenty of times, pretty awesome like a bear trying to climb out of a volkswagon.
I think I may have just hit a new slutty low! ..... Just purchased the Costco pack of condoms... $9.99/48 pack = amazing deal! The judgement when I bust out the value pack = priceless!!!
I want to create a human. Discussion later.
I learned tonight while in another country that no matter the nationality, men are disappointing in bed
Randomize
