I'm about to take my first shit since thursday. I'm scared. pray for me. If I don't make it, tell my family I love them.
we didnt even have break up sex...
you had it for us with someone else...
Can you pinpoint the moment you decided it was acceptable to trade blow jobs for beers or was it a gradual slide?
Yep. Just threw myself a bachelorette party with my coworkers penis before I re-enter the holy order of monogomous relationships.
Apparently you can coat check a keg.
She looks like she smells of sausage, sunblock and sorrow.
So after he broke the crutches and got us kicked out of McDonalds, we stole a bike and when we got back to the hotel, he jumped out the window into the bushes.
Yeah when he is drunk, he seems to think he is Captain Americas Canadian counterpart, Captain Canuck
She said she'll drive over, bang, and then head home. It's like ordering a pizza.
Just casually ripping a bowl in the chicken coop, with the chickens. NBD
Seriously, this apartment is covered in body glitter. This chick musta been a huuuuuge slut. How do you get it across every surface?
Do you have any forwarding contact info?
I was thinking about the biological process causing me to puke while I was puking. THAT'S how much I'd been studying.
Getting a UTI was SO NOT on my wishlist for the holidays
i spent my Thursday drinking before noon and not wearing pants
Come over here. Bongs and porn. I found the promised land
The only good thing about being back at work is supply room boom boom with my office husband
Randomize
