you went to subway and got pissed when they refused to deep fry your sub
I found out why we traded puke covered dresses in the bathroom.
I'm taking it from the chunk of pizza I just pulled out my hair that we ate pizza last night?
I just want to go to their admissions office and show them the video of him taking the flaming shot, and be like yeah...you let in the kid who lit his entire face on fire over me.
I was in the library and saw 2 dudes hackysacking in a study room with 3 girls working. I asked if I could join; as soon as I closed the door the chicks offered me tequila shots. study session w/everyone cancelled, I'm busy.
Aaaaand then she sang MDMA to the tune of the YMCA song, with appropriate gestures.
Walking through campus with a grocery bag full of pot brownies. I'm like the santa claus of 4/20
Plan: drunk dancing. Reality: drunk almost getting in fights with people that could beat me into the ground.
Did u know it's unconstitutional to turn down a shot during 4th of July celebrations.. Rest now dear liver
Pedi-lyte stocked
You asked me what the point was. Told me your were dying alone and then had me take you and Wendy's where you bought 3 meals and ate them in about 10 minutes saying you didn't care if you got fat...
This is my life. Enjoy the view
She came home, put on the news, left a 20 minute drunk message on her friends machine, then proceeded to play back the entire message laughing hysterically and then just passed out
I'm floating on a rainbow and a purple elf is giving me advice. COME NOW!!!
Gov of Georgia is going to allow massage therapists to return to work.
Gives a new meaning to 'Happy Endings'.
I wasn’t trying, but work got a lot easier and more fun once he starred flirting with me and looking at my ass
Randomize
