Hotel room at 3 am. She's 42. Stockings and heels. All because I opened with a joke about cougar hunting. We'll high-five later.
Apparently on the way out of the ER i asked the nurse to doggie-bag me some more morphine.
A guy in a big stork costume just came to our meeting to give us condoms and t-shirts telling us not to get pregnant. Only at college
just saw a guy throwing up in the urinal at Dennys. Either he had one hell of last night or we are going to eat somewhere else
it's like, God thought about making her pretty then changed his mind at the last second
people in the room actually applauded when we discovered you had the ability to somehow throw up on your own back
I won the booty shaking contest by mooning the whole bar
Stop calling dibs on everything with a vagina you jackass.
That should be the title of my autobiography.
Also he didn't buy condoms after we ran out last week. Luckily I had one, but I told him he should be more optimistic about getting laid
I want you to know that the guy who peed in your bed got fat.
I know you're on a date and I should leave you alone but about twenty minutes ago I realized I haven't been spanked in years so if you're still looking for a birthday present, you know, consider it.
I knew I'd like her from the moment she supported me messing around with my co-worker on my lunch break
If everything else in my life fails, at least I just had one of my top orgasms
Hmmm... I thought we agreed as a group we make our last stand in Philly...
I don't wanna go out like that. Covered in melted cheese smelling like a sewer rat...
So I "accidentally" brought my road beers into church for this wedding
And they fell out of my pocket on the pew. Made quite a noise...safe to say I'm batting a thousand
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