Going to spend my cab money on more shots and just take the ambulance home
Banned from zoo.
Again?
Goddamn it, are you fucking her sister?
did you know it's going to storm tonight?
You bitch. At least tell Laura she's a better kisser.
he likes ron paul.... that's all i'm going to say....
his cum tasted like old pizza and looked like old milk
Way too hungover to be taking this many family pictures
Why is your vibrator in the fridge?
I'm testing sex in Alaska before I go there.
Just think, if your stepsister would've gotten knocked up 2 years earlier, she could've had a TV show. What a bitch.
Hah, I lost the lenses in my glasses, didn't event notice til this morning... How was the meeting?
We were all in the pool and he showed up with a pitcher of margarita. Everyone swam over to him. He poured it directly into our mouths like we were a Sea World act.
Heres a quick tip! When getting black out head from your girlfriend dont come to and say "wait... wheres my girlfriend"
To give you an idea, there's a group upstairs trying to break down a door with their fists and heads.
Dinner at my parents is vodka, lemonade, cheese ad crackers. Why would I leave?
I told him I'd ride his broomstick if he let me call him Harry Potter and drew a lightning bolt on his forehead.
Don't send me pics of cunning dicks while I'm eating potato chips
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