It was kinda weird being the boss
Did you feel like Tony Danza?
the real housewives reunion is on...i wanna see if danielle can look any more surprised than the facelift allows
i wanna see dina punch her face back to normal
he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
WISH UPON A TAMPON
They constantly get farther than me.
tampons.
We have sex, then he cooks. It's like a fantasy.
My own mom unfriended me on Facebook.
At least I cut out the pieces of your hair where I braided gum into it last night. Thank me later.
I don't know what to tell you, usually I would just ask if they'd like to meet the captain. If you can't get laid it's your problem.
just because the DWI class is located at the University does not make him a professor. I was duped, he is in no way, shape or form a professor!
I don't remember... but I heard a cop threatened to pepper spay my dick
These girls just walked into this party as reverse cowgirls... Wearing cowboy clothes all backwards
You know what I realized today? That my biggest regret of freshman year was ditching you and that foam party to have a one night stand with a skinny jean wearing vocal major.
I am concerned for your priorities but also really flattered. Flattery wins
They should make eskimo sister bracelets. OMG WE NEED BRACELETS WITH IGLOOS ON THEM.
He woke me up at 6:30 to have sex again and afterwards, he didn't even judge me when I asked him if he wanted some rum. I think I found my soulmate.
you should come have a drink with me (non alcoholic or otherwise) im at the same bar as your sister and a few guys that would apparently "lick your butthole"-congratulations
Randomize
