Potential corruption. He's 19.
Get them while they're young!
bouncer thought i was tryin to get the license plate numbers of strippers to stalk them. I had to go show him where I threw up to get back in.
My dad walked in on me masturbating in my own apartment.....my own apartment!!
We left at the same time. You got home three hours after I did and said you got your head stuck in a fence. I can't believe you don't remember this.
NEW RULE: NO INNAPROPRIATE CHOICES THAT INVOLVE GUNS. I LIKE IT. WRITE THAT DOWN.
This is how I ended up being the slutty friend isn't it?
She just looked at him and said "I'm gonna fuck that" and it totally worked.
I AM SENDING THIS TEXT MESSAGE SO I DON'T LOOK AT HIM. THANK YOU FOR RECEIVING IT.
I was fine until "Under Pressure" came on the radio. It's like God wanted me to shit my pants on the drive home.
Today, my boyfriend informed me that I look like my dad when I orgasm
the only good thing about going home with him was that he was prettier than me.
Just realized I'm still chewing the same gum post blow job. This Stride shit really has everlasting flavor. They should totally have an ad campaign based on blow jobs.
Hey man, when I left for work she was laying on the couch naked cuddling your keurig, can you clean that mess up?
i have nothing going on in my life. unless a toxic love triangle with netflix and jack daniels counts.
All I did today was eat pizza and use my vibrator.
Randomize
