even after i explained my bobby knight costume the bartender still kicked me out for throwing the chair
Just found a hundred dollar bill on the ground. Hope you're looking to drink tonight
your goal of the night was to unlock your iPhone with your nipple. You're going places.
also, I just found three random bruises on my knee. probably from when I was velcrod to the stairs
Some guy just yelled at me from his car "CLIIIIIIIIIITT"... I feel like this has something to do with last night....
It's all good. The CSI guy came and I played the theme song while he in was in our place. The cops even laughed.
Kyle found me outside his apartment in the hallway. Said he didn't hear me knock bt smelled alcohol through the door. I'm sucha bitch to my liver
WTF moment this morning: we were getting ready to leave and he reaches under his mattress to pull out his gun. All I could do was look at him and go "really?!"
Maybe he injected his testicle?
If you're going to do that you're going to need a pleather suit.
You're right, I'd say my real all time low was when I let that fifteen-year-old feel my boob.
I'm the kind of gay who carries his anxiety medication in case the club scene gets too fierce
my dad just liked my status about my bowl being stolen even he feels my pain
I just want a guy who makes lots of money, has a skilled penis and the sex drive of a 22 year on Viagra. Is that too much to ask?
I CAN’T BELIEVE YOU STUCK YOUR DICK IN CRAZY!
Randomize
