dude. late night with jimmy fallon isnt even funny. the people in the audience there to see him dont even think hes funny.
kinda like you and your friends.
I hope the kids appreciate the fact that I jizzed on her instead of on their slide.
just walked into the room and her sister said loudly, "do him, or I will."
woke up in a freezing tub of water at 6 am again. probably should stop the drunk baths
You could give me a blowjob later? :)
I meant do something romantic..
Blowjob In the moonlight?
i am pretty sure she ate my hamster last night. i am thinking this because she left me a note that says she ate my hamster and my hamster is no longer in its hamster cage.
Who is he, asking me if im dtf without a question mark
...
Her name means "flower that enlarges and gives birth." There is no way she isn't getting knocked up
Before you even think your day was worse than mine, I had to disinfect and and stitch another dude's penis after his prince Albert got ripped out by an angry chick.
This drunk girl wants you to know that I do actually like you. I'm not just using you for sex. I think you're cool.
Smoked before work and just remembered i left pringles in my desk last time i was high. SCORE
it's like his dick is making a u-turn.
If your gig isn't over in 30 minutes I am coming on that stage to come on your dick.
He wrote his entire dissertation last night. I can only imagine the frightening amount of headway he would make if he ever did things sober.
I love when Facebook suggests people I may know. Well, yeah, I know him. He's my drug dealer. Pretty sure I want to keep that relationship strictly professional.
Randomize
