The guy in the library beside me just whipped out an entire loaf of bread, a knife and a container of peanut butter and is proceeding to make multiple sandwiches.
What's the point of having 3 fuck buddies when their periods all seem to sync up
She is two pictures of justin bieber away from being blocked from my news feed
He waited exactly 18 minutes to booty call me after his break up.
I don't think my prof knows we've noticed her No Bra Fridays.
you were exchanging tortilla chips with the guy at the next table, telling him your table was given the "big chips" because it was your 21st birthday
Apparently, Mom was less-than-happy about us shotgunning beers before we opened presents.
I really need to create fewer "the time I was on drugs" stories for my future memoir, "my first year in San Francisco".
good luck with that
I'm assuming the reason my elbow is so sore has something to do with all the broken shot glasses eh?
Yep
I'M SO WET FOR FREEDOM
I was doing drugs in the men's room so my employee went in to the woman's for the same reason but left proof and got caught. Had to fire him cuz I bogarted his dope spot. Awesome.
Right now I'm in a club where they are passing out glow in the dark dildos by the dozen. I don't think my life will ever get weirder than it is at this moment.
Just woke up from an extremely erotic dream featuring Steve Buscemi. Now I can't sleep.
I just kept hitting the drum to get thru the crowd to the bar. Surprisingly it worked
I am just High Enough to train A-Team of bodybuilding squirrels MMA techniques to tear you asunder. And it's not that I want to is just don't you make me do it!
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