I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
I think the secretary can hear it when I fart in the bathroom, how do you think she feels about that?
I reached in my backpack to pull out my laptop. I found my bottle of Jack and 2 bottles of Coke. It's going to be a good class.
I miss your penis. And I totally say this as a friend. I just miss it because it's great. You should be very proud of it.
He was able to grab love handles during doggy style... I know we said spring break mexico diet starts next week but i think we need to start tomorrow.
Can you fuck me on the kitchen counter at some point? I'll lysol it after
she was drinking until 3, woke up at 7, shouted 'I'M STILL DRUNK" and went out for a jog in her thong
He told me to tell my ass that he loved and missed it, and even though he hasn't known it long, it might be the one for him
Why was I lying under a truck last night?
Ok so I'm not gonna ignore the fact that you had sex on a frat basement floor and spent the last 4 years wondering how you got HPV
and idk now I have nine bags of lettuce in my fridge
He’s really fucking cute. Like, I want his penis in my mouth cute.
Dude how about today while I was on lunch someone died in the break room at work....I didn't even know we had a break room!!
Hahaha. I'm so high, this is gonna be so intense. Even the DVD menu scared the shit out of me.
Just remembered someone sprayed perfume in my mouth last night after convincing me it was vodka and that i tried to herd ducks around campus and bring one home.
Randomize
