I was born with a shot glass in my hand
im poppin the ladies like they're bacne
$22.99 left in the bank til payday = 3($7 jack & coke) + 2($0.89 T-Bell taco) + $0.21 in case of emergency.
math is fun
you convinced the bartender to un-cut you off by letting him touch your boobs whenever you ordered a drink.
Its that time of year where we just drink more instead of dressing warmer
I'm too tired to go all the way tonight, especially if you're going to quote Katy Perry at me during
Can u please come get me. My car keys are gone. Somehow I ended up sleeping in my trunk
she was rubbing her elbow against the fish tank and laughing hysterically then she said I'M THEIR FISHY GOD and watched harry potter
I am making it a rule that only people I am comfortable around enough to not have to put a bra on are allowed for Sunday funday. I think that's a good rule for someone who started drinking alone at noon while everyone else here sipped their coffee.
I say this as a friend, you would make a SPECTACULAR crossdresser
We can't stop being roommates, you do such a good job of holding my hair back when I puke. I don't wanna buy hair elastics.
I made a bong out of my deodorant today. Did you?
He turned on read receipts specifically so i'd know he was ignoring me.
you said it was a life or death situation, being your partner for beer pong doesn't count
He weighed maybe 130, his dick had to be 30 of it. SO BIIIIG.
Randomize
