You surviving the open bar?
Super asto ex polenta omaha botad
Whenever I'm sad I just imagine if babies were born with mustaches...
I really don't understand how I cannot figure out how to work a fucking can opener when I'm hungover. Yet I still retained the ability to take a perfectly symmetrical picture of my erect penis and send it to every person in Matt's contacts the night before.
that's the last time we turn jepordy into a drinking game.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
In reality u ask do u have beer at your house but what your really saying is will there be cock in my mouth
...oh my god that's like anal suicide
I'm aware. I'm writing the eulogy for my colon as we speak.
"Let's chug a beer then make out" doesn't sound as nice, but it would prob make him cum right there.
Before you even think your day was worse than mine, I had to disinfect and and stitch another dude's penis after his prince Albert got ripped out by an angry chick.
She wants to fuck me. On a tennis court. In her tennis outfit. Is ring-shopping an acceptable 3rd date activity?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We decided this year instead of not participating in Halloween at all we are going to hand out free beers to the parents.
Back of his car in the Starbucks parking lot WITH HIS APRON STILL ON. Check and Mate.
Holy shit. You won barista bingo AND the Triple Crown in one day.
Build a thousand brigdes, lick one butthole. What am I remembered for? Buttholelicking.
It's almost sad. It's like the Harambe of vagina stories really.
Listen, I've got balls in my face can I call you back
I party with great urgency now.
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