somehow, due in part to drug cocktail and alchl prior to meeting, i blacked out, got home, made total mess of kitchen, broke shower, and made 17 hard boiled eggs
I knew the cheap date at Taco Bell would backfire because it makes even the most pre-cautious girls involuntary fart in public
she told me I give head better than a lesbian. I know it's a great compliment but it kind of threw me off.
That's why she's the girl with her life together and you're the girl with the penis drawn on your car.
No. I just want to cuddle and talk about our feeling. Of course this a booty call.
We are going to get high as balls and watch netflix
THIS IS WHAT BEING AN ADULT LOOKS LIKE
As we were passing the joint around, people were dunking Jenga pieces in Vaseline and sticking them to the window. I also smoked weed with a girl that was in an above the influence commercial.
He barged in the room with no shirt on, all fucking ripped with a half keg under one arm. Sara now calls him Bronan the Beerbarian
No more house parties. We're almost fucking 30 years old and I slept until 6 pm.
I sense naked hashbrown eating in my near future.
If I could steal your goatee and hide it under my bed to keep your from wearing it, I would.
I keep track of what day of the week it is by my recent destinations on my nav system. \nRight now it's: booty call, bar, booty call, brunch, bar, church so that must mean we are getting close to Sunday when we start the rotation all over again.
He can be a kind, caring soul but also give in to the temptation of eating unicorn ass.
you had her IN YOUR BED NO PANTS AND YOU GAVE HER THW BOOT?!?!?!
Stage five clinger bro. had to go.
Just found out a shooting happened in our parking lot while it was closed this morning. So thaaaaaaaaats fun.
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