so i asked him why he doesn't wanna see me anymore and he said he was questioning his sexuality. cool.
how ive managed to spend 100$ at an open bar is beyond me.
win or lose for butler, i'm still masturbating to brad stevens tonight
I can see why you broke up with her now... it was like having sex with a corpse.
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But besides the pee thing, he sounds like a nice guy.
New level of high: If I could bathe in my salsa right now I would.
You know your high, when your chugging applesauce out of the jar with no utensils.
HOLY FUCK COMFIEST CHAIR EVER
Had to go see my sisters new baby this morn in the clothes I wore to the rave last night. Still drunk. Almost dropped it. I'll be a good aunt right?
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All I'm sayin is that I don't want to raise anything. Or deal with anything. Or having anything come out of my vagina. I mean, I don't think that's asking too much.
Tbh the only thing I was fully concerned about from the dream was what type of fucked up parallel universe doesn't have Coca-Cola
I am going home. I have pee on my pants. Rachel is driving and I and drunk. It is not Rachels pee. It is my pee.
We found you in the bathroom at 1AM throwing money into the toilet making wishes. That drunk.
.... Seriously?
I shaved my asshole for this. That's real dedication.
Your heart isn't making stupid decisions... your penis is outsmarting your brain. Stop fucking her!
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