oh god the rape fog is back!
Hey I found a place that'll do a hand job for 42 bucks
its raining. im dressed as yoda and im trick or treating alone. and i wonder why im still a virgin..
There are no words to adequately express my gratitude for sending me porn you found staring a former classmate.
She left me a voicemail too. It's just her moaning her name repeatedly
my dentist asked me why my tooth was chipped, i told him i couldn't remember. i think he understands.
it took me 2 minutes to realize that it wasn't HER hand on my penis. First, and worst threesome ever..
The best thing he's ever done for me was comment on my profile picture saying "hello boner"
you kept saying 'its nothing a six pack wont fix' as they loaded you into the ambulance.
Dear sober self: your car keys are in the glove compartment, your car is outside the church. I hope you're reading this from your own bed instead of someone else's.
Sober now. I'm really glad I didn't try to make out with that guy who has a pregnant fiance
found a better reason to procrastinate than the usual sunday-don't-give-no-fucks. literally every one of my textbooks is soaked in captain. can't turn a page without gagging.
Wouldn't life be so much easier if you could just walk up to attractive men and say, "Let me bear your children" and it wouldn't be creepy?
Or possibly end in a restraining order?
well i don't NEED my liver but it's nice to have one when you're trying to have a good time
I'm fucking camped out by the bathrooms. I think the poopatrator is in there. Wtf is my life
Almost an end to the saga.
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