Actually, all he talks about is how great the sex is with her and how crappy you were at it. Stop being a bitch and gossiping masking it as self-righteousness.
dude. FULL moustache. it was like getting head from Tom Selleck
i'm as serious about my hair as jesse from full house.
that is uncle jesse to you, show some respect.
having to delete all your hookups stored in your phone as first name followed by frat/bar after they've graduated is such a bittersweet feeling
My drunk body wants to fuck you so bad, but my high mind is telling me it's too much work. I think I'm just gonna stay home and eat some Mac and cheese. Sorry.
a search helicopter?!
they call him Oral-B. enough said
He's almost as awesome as vicodin.
Can i tell him you said that? Cuz i know that means a lot coming from you
Just saw 1 guy dressed as a cow and another dressed as a shrimp dancing on the side of the road. We're turning around I NEED to dance with them.
And please let him know I don't normally go off on long rants about feminist theory. That was totally the vodka talking.
Don't blame me. I told you I didn't know if I had a key to those hancuffs.
I just had to go dumpster diving, at 3am, in the rain, because I realized that I somehow threw away the brand new package of birth control pills I picked up from the pharmacy this afternoon. So I'm sort of a responsible adult.
just passed my midterm while getting a blow job. i love going to school online
I'm at the store buying a new phone cause I pissed all over mine last night. Drunk me is expensive as shit.
Dude. Craziest ride ever. I was convinced that the bus was an airplane. There were clouds when I looked out the window. I got really upset every time the bus turned because airplanes shouldn't turn.
Randomize
