can you imagine how much money lesbians save on birth control?!?
bitches.
He's my palate cleanser. He's my mint sorbet. He's my saltine cracker. He's who I fuck between people to make the next one better.
he has been on a 2 week bender, has been homeless for a week and a half, and leaves for madagascar in 2 days. Do we worry or is that normal?
Just remember that she is a giant dick-sucking forehead and you are better than that.
Yea, remember to blow out the fire from flaming shots. Unless you want burnt lips. Just saying, I'm an example of ignorance and intoxication.
Using that mug my little cousin painted for me as an ashtray for my weed...at least next time he asks me if I'm using it I can say yes
she cried into her fur with two handfuls of money- she was the physical manifestation of white girl problems
My mom got me high and then dropped me off at a church.
I've abandoned trying to find a logical explanation of your life.
I'm happy in my shell. My shell which consists of keeping guys in the friend zone and me masturbating...
Driving home this morning in my minion costume makes me rethink the 0 tint on my windows.
I knew there was a problem when things got heated and instead of rushing home I offered to get bagels instead
I'm shaving my vagina to the lion king soundtrack. How's your 9am?
I'm glad we can *facepalm* it together over the married couple we fucked separately.
i feel like a cleansing fire is the only way to purify the house
Apparently I told the mayor I want to be a trophy wife
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