it was nice. we just kind of hung out. she didnt even mention the farting incident.
is hooking up with someone you used to babysit wrong?
Last night he was fingering me with one hand to his ear, calling himself 'dj clittles'
Thats what happens when go home with guys that wear shutter shades to the bar..
Don't leave without me in the morning. I keep scaring everyone cause I'm sleeping in the bathtub.
She started to tell me how she goes to a shrink, so I started thinking how to sneak out of her place, then she said part of it was for her sex addiction, long story short she's got her clit peirced n I just got laid
It just hit me that I woke up to you in a bear suit. Explain.
I think I'm getting too used to throwing up in the reception trash can. It doesn't even phase me anymore
My ex came to my place while I was gone. Random things he took: snow shoes, my laundry quarters, a decorative picture, all my condiments, the container that held my rice and a sticker off my wallet. Then left a note saying he watered my plants and fed my cats. What. The. Fuck.
If you hear screaming in the middle of the night, bat got loose. Call poison control immediately and explain rabies
How dare you. Idk what you called me, and neither does google translate, but you better take it back.
just had a very awkward conversation with the concierge at the hotel, they threw your underwear out
I'm so drunk and angry about the Michigan game the fact of my relationship being over doesn't matter
Can you get winded from lip syncing? I don't know how Britney does it
we were clicking our heels together saying theres no place like home, while the cops were tellin us to call our parents and tell them what happened.
So this morning everyone commended me for puking over the porch. No one else made it that far...
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