is it bad if my mug shot looks better than my profile picture?
I'm shivering and sweating at the same time. Thanks a lot St. Patrick.
Note to self: never do anything I don't want to explain to a paramedic
Tried to bribe the bartender with wedding cake. Felt bad for not giving her a tip.
I recommend you throw your keys as far as you can in one direction, your phone as far as you can in the opposite direction, and hold on.
I'm hungover from arbor mist I'm so white
Just got biofeeze on my vag. Weirdest sensation everrr. Can't decide if I want to cum or cry
Like he and the nurses kept being so persistent with it and I just wanted to run out of there in my backless gown and yell FUCK OFF BITCHES IM OUT
she pointed to my dick and said you are going to save the world
just woke up. hair smells like weed and bbq. shins are bruised. vague memory of us chasing deer at the park at 3 am. fill me in on what exactly happened.
I miss the days where our biggest worries were who was gonna win battle shits.
Glitter fights sound a lot funner in theory.
I'm sorry I couldn't bail you out, apparenty they dont take credit cards over the phone. Did you at least make any friends in jail?
All I'm saying is Europe has not been easy on my vagina.
THERE ARE NO EMOJIS TO SHOW MY SEXUAL FRUSTRATION
Randomize
