I woke up this morning with my shirt on upside down.
You mean inside out.
No, upside down. I ripped the neck hole in the process of getting it around my waist.
The answer to your question is yes. I am wearing a star of david to the bar in order attract a jewish man.
new level of vanity: sex dreams about deep throating myself...
Appropriately today was the first time I've ever GTL'd. I can't believe I made fun of this,it's rather relaxing.
He had Jail Releases phone number programed into speed dial on his phone.
I found a wheel chair. there is now a high chance im going to be fired from this job
He met a random girl on the bus home and decided to go to Spain with her. The blackout decisions are becoming internationally epic. He has work in the morning.
we've decided whoever is stupid enough to use the condom that's tacked to the wall deserves to get pregnant.
Just got offered to exchange moonshine for manscaping services by a gay guy. I'm gonna have the smoothest back in St. Louis county.
Yeah. I was about to call 911 but I ended up breaking the door frame off then ran and puked all the way home.
At least I will not still be rolling when I pick up this animal. Thats a good development in five years
First week is awesome. Freshman girls prancing around everywhere like newborn baby deer looking for a dick to jump on
I was too lazy to get my chapstick out of my purse so i lubed up my lips with pizza grease. On a scale of 1-10 how embarassed should i be?
See I insist I'm not a groupie and then I say things like "will bang for a backstage pass".
She’s super into those renaissance faires. But, if you can’t actually stab anyone, what’s the point?
Randomize
