I met a girl last nite that charged by the inch. i didnt have enough money but i figured shed be a good deal for u
dont get me wrong, i like when a guy is into my boobs but when he started saying mama i want milk let me suck, i gathered my shit together and bounced.
just wokeup with my ethics textbook on my chest, animal crakers in my mouth and my dick in my hand. even aristotle doesn't have a theory for this one
we seriously had to hang a plastic bag on his ears so he could throw up right into it.
I envy you so much. I get girls who pee on my floor and you get girls who leave in the middle of the night
Any little, cute, petite blondes with you?
Nah, I got some slutty brunettes though.
we started pounding beers an hour ago to celebrate our personal snow day tomorrow. vodka shots for u of i's actual decision are on standby.
i shit in a pringles can and hid it somewhere in your house....happy hunting
I figured out plans for New Year's and by figuring out I mean I've got a sugar bowl of cocaine. Start at 10?
And I'd make him talk dirty to me. In Forrest Gump's voice.
At this point if I didn't go to work hungover I think the whole place would think something is wrong
Seriously? You DON'T remember putting all those Swedish fish in the waffle iron b/c you wanted "One big Swedish fish?" That waffle iron was a wedding gift.
What are your plans?
Get picked up. Convince you to leave work. Smoke. Drink. Fly helicopters.
He won't leave and I need to take a shit and vomit, quite possibly at the same time.
That man fucks like a champ. The sex was so good I did him again in the morning just to be sure
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