11:03 p.m. Whats a lie i you lovn me. Let's cuddle.
Is today national text-a-girl-whose-had-your-dick-in-her-mouth day and I just wasn't aware?? I am getting the most random "just saying hey" texts ever and that's the only common denominator.
I don't think you'd be able to understand Inception if you weren't high...
Am I the only one creeped out by the guy asleep behind our couch?
i just remember pinky promising you guys to take care of him.
Well... first you killed the girls goldfish, then you shoved her face in your armpit, made her cry, got kicked out, ate your cigarettes, and passed out in her driveway. Pretty successful night if you ask me
Dude I walked 1.4 miles through the hotel wearing a cowboy hat, pink topped boots, gucci shades, and a scarf and met my parents in the hallway at 7 am how is this not a good start to Vegas?
If you wake up tomorrow and start to wonder.... Yes you did just eat mild sauce from taco bell out of the package while informatively yelling about the loss of my virginity
The 78 year old woman who works next to me divorced her ex husband, remarried her first husband, and retired all in one day. I'd say it makes your breakup on Valentine's day pretty insignificant.
Part of my treatment is getting high and having sex with 22 year olds. I have a prescription!
She wouldnt stop trying to stick her finger in my ass. I wish she wasnt so hot
He painted a swimsuit on me. Naked day at the lake was a success.
I've had to take two showers today and it's not even 1 o'clock. Why won't this weekend wash off?
Stay away a while longer.
Still not sure if they're cops or strippers.
What time is our conjugal visit?
Umm...who is this?
Randomize
