Tears do usually get me what I want. That and oral sex.
Im still in bed and cant move and i only had Two beers and a shot last night... how did I make it in college?
God gave us a 4 year grace period.
The fire breather is here so I may get my second wind.
he texted me at 3am asking for "one of my famous blowjobs"
People are yelling about how much they want you here.
I'm going to change, vomit up my mexican food to save the trouble later, and then come meet you. Thrilled.
I'm giving you a get out of sober free card for one of the nights
I think your high point was when the quesadilla was in your mouth and you were screaming "I can't chew!" and the Taco Bell guy just kinda stared at you like he wanted to strangle.
I literally got so drunk last night, I texted myself "porpoises" and that was it. I have no recollection of this.
so when he he finally wandered back into the room it was with a pound of cream cheese which he ate in 5 minutes flat and then passed out
I'm putting my hangover kit in my car for the trip to work tomorrow morning. Dedication
A man can only lie in bed watching COPS for so long before he wants to do things that can lead him to starring on the show.
I was so drunk last night dude. I woke up this morning to my oven being wide open and my pants on the kitchen floor.
So, just how hungover are you?
Not at all, surprisingly.
That has to be your X-Men power.
Joke’s on you. I got to talk to a furry about why nukes are bad and why musicals are good.
I'm too depressed to drink my wine. That is what I would call a serious problem
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