So what does a sober person do in Vegas on a Friday night?
if she leaves who will i have to secretly talk about behind thier back
I could literally track my booty calls if I ever got knocked up by my parking tickets
You paid the taxi driver with a comb last night.
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I've decided to tape numbers to the bottom of my heels corresponding to the number of drinks I can safely consume in them.
i just won "most creative" category in the condom contest in human sexuality by licking it onto a cucumber. my feedback forms included three phone numbers, one with a Magnum XL taped to it
she gave me her number. found out it was already stored in my phone as "bathroom blowjob"
Now I don't feel so bad about telling everyone that he's 23 and needs Viagra. It's her problem now
I was told to keep my leg elevated. I assume it means to keep my legs on the air, it's like I was prescribed to be slutty
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I'm sorry for aggressively singing the Frasier theme song at you so many times last night.
The time to say "now you can't go and be strange about this at work" is not as you are penetrating your coworker. NOW its awkward
Can't beat it when the local bar sends you off with a loaf of bread on the way out the door.
Update: they told me I was twerking to twenty one pilots
dude kate found out i cheated and busted in while i was taking a shit. I was cornered, nothing i could do
so drinking tonight?
Be there in 15
Of course you try to burn the house down on the one night we take down the smoke alarm so we can use the fog machine more
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