at FSU your more likely to get an STD than a parking spot
Oh and apparently TSA has to open your present from my family or the terrorists win
When I stretch out her lips her vagina looks like a dolphin...this birthmark is awesome
she both took care of me and took advantage of me. it was BEAUTIFUL.
It was like riding a jackhammer on a train during an earthquake. THAT amazing.
Thinking about fake proposing to my gf just so the middle aged women next to us will buy us drinks
Nuts. Absolutely nuts. she just screamed in my face something about not knowing whats happening and then got tackled by a dude
You know it's time to cut back when your unemployed drug dealer roommate tells you that you party too hard.
So it took me 20 minutes to figure out that this is the wrong blind date. I'm going to go with it, he's cute and at least it's free beer.
You slid down the bannister into a split. Lines were crossed.
If I have to give a UPS guy a lap dance, you owe me a drink.
The first thing I did in 2015 was suck a dick.....so.....
WHY CANT I FIND JUST A NORMAL DISNEY LOVING MAN TO PAINT WITH ALL THE COLORS OF THE WIND WITH!!
half way down the stairs my legs said fuck this and i just fell the rest of the way...
The sex was so good we high-fived after.
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