Why is it that every time I type the word "give" my phone spells out HIV?! You know how many people i've told I want to HIV them something!
okay serious question, the water is shut off in your house, do you attempt and use the clean toilet water for your new bong?
is it weird that i feel like i won the break up because my status change got two comments and his got zero?
I've broken several federal laws in the name of sex.
got so drunk i was kicked out of my own birthday party and tried taking a bottle of vodka with me
Is it bad to get into the ocean at night? i always thought sharks hated the smell of vomit after drinking
If this outfit doesn't get me pregnant tonight I don't know what will...
Also. This Ativan makes me feel fearless. I think we need an exciting new hobby for when we take it. How do you feel about ghost hunting?
My walk of shame was 2 miles of feathers flying off of me, underwear in hand, and a homeless man telling me he'd pray for me. It was gold medal worthy.
Oh my god did you actually lose a tooth
I wonder if you're allowed to smoke pot at Denver bronco games now...
I just found out my younger brother has me saved in his contacts as "Womb Primer" and I don't know what to do with this information
Is kiddo a correct name to call someone who you stuck your dick in?
I'm not gonna lie, but for some reason I have this strong desire to watch porn with my pint of haagen das.
My cat is sitting in the window watching the neighbor's dogs doing it. I think she's lonely too.
Randomize
