There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
i know he has to tuck it when he gets excited in public and all, but now he is just starting to show off.
Got hit on at a funeral service by cougar. I think I just got Reverse Will Ferrell'd.
I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE.
how did we start talking about space blow jobs?
I don't think casual Fridays means I can go to work with dried cum in my hair...
My only regret is that we didn't pee on our neighbors Prius
I only feel half bad for cheating on him because while we were fucking I was given great relationship advice and now I'm ready to work some things out.
By cross-referencing our messages & her Twitter feed, I've deduced that she was eating spaghetti the whole time we were sexting.
You have not lived until you've had your brains fucked out on a broken down Tunnel of Love ride. Life is good.
Also we had sex while listening to fleetwood Mac on vinyl. Like the 70s called and told me to fuck off
I love how u said nothing about the sidewalk sex but refused shower sex
How does the curb feel today?
It's stronger than my elbow. But I found my lighter while I was down there.
I need a rain check on breakfast. A frat boy said it was his dream to sleep with a MILF, I made his dream come true and he made me cum
There is no way I’m wasting 21 year old morning wood
So...I know we have a conversation later this week. But one of the key things I want to know is if I can specify having my body mummified and buried in Egypt (or at least nearby the Luxor in Vegas). How much money do you think that would cost? Do I need to increase my life insurance policy?
Randomize
