He like poked it twice with the tip of his tongue then left it alone. I'm sad.
I was wasted and lost so I called the cops and asked for directions. It seemed logical at the time
i'm so high that for the last 10 minutes i pretened my sock was a mouse, and played with it like it was legit.
its taking every last moral i have not to steal this bike
you still have morals?
Well actually itd just be too hard to ride the bike with this large rake i just stole
Alright, so what's my next move? I already posted a Milli Vanilli video on her wall
She's making tacos & sangria tonight. I'm sure that's how the pilgrims pregamed.
I hope the doctor doesnt lift up and my shirt and listen to my lungs. I dont want to explain why I have rug burns on my back.
I think I just got judged by the pizza guy. dude, you deliver fucking pizza. you need rethink YOUR life.
But I swear to god if I'm awkwardly there while you try to have sex with someone again I'm getting high with your dad
Literally just inhaled three cinnamon rolls. Sara is staring. It was inhuman
No. Every time we go there, you end up getting high, then lost, then going home with strangers.
Just a suggestion, don't apricot scrub your vagina.
He passed away peacefully doing what he loved to do best. Eating a pound of vodka gummy worms and failing at sex and the city trivia.
This is the second time this month a hookup cried when I left...bro get your shit together bar does NOT equal wife 😬
I put on a face mask and masturbated for an hour... my face now has a green tint
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