Spent $1500 on bottle service and have a lump on my head from hitting the nightstand while puking. Excess? Nooo Success.
After I told my husband the docter shot me in the ass, he said - oh they can but I can't?!
But I thought everyone had breakup sex?
She twisted her ankle and paid a homeless guy for a piggy back ride home from the bar.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Grandma can hear your bong from the living room, please be more quiet. Love mom.
She pulled vodka outta the dryer and told me to drink it
I'll pretend I don't know she's blind, my morals claimed the back seat in this adventure.
IDK I WAS CAUGHT UP IN THE TEQUILA SHOTS AND FRIENDSHIP
He just stopped in the middle of undressing for sex to dip his slice of pizza in ranch. I think I’m in love.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He texted me at 4:30 in the morning saying "I'm not drunk but I think you're beautiful" and then a facebook message at 6 am saying "hi" and the subject was "oh"
Are you drinking tequila at 1pm? ...at Disneyland?
The fact that a spice girls song is stuck in my head is a great sign that my decisions aren't the right ones at the moment...
The only reason you haven't shit yourself yet is because you don't like having fun.
idk he wanted to trade sex for a triple order of hashbrowns
AND YOU SAID NO?????????
Found my paycheck. It was in the freezer
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