the pool opens at 11. by 1115 the ambulance had been called.
Lol speaking of weird...he just sent me a naked pic of himself that said "meow" at the bottom.
guess who just trotted in eating her oats and wagging her penis
im holly from the hills drunk
No, I think it was the night I threw up in her front yard. You're thinking of the time I threw up in her backyard.
I have not carelessly put myself in herpes way since I got a clean bill of health tyvm.
As hard as i've been partying lately their gonna have to revoke my organ donor status
Come get me...we were walking home and she kept yelling "people need to get run over more!" then she just sat down in the middle of the street saying "it just feels right."
He's not actually Jewish. Turns out he just wears the yarmulke to cover his bald spot.
Something about Sunday night screams phone sex
I was "singing along to the Lego Movie" high. Everything was not awesome
I'm so hung over that I just tried to send you a screen shot of the cracked screen on my phone.
Well 1) stay calm 2) stay safe 3) drink more
I'm making a sandwich topless right now. Remind me again why I don't have a boyfriend?
His ass is a ten, but his personality is a two. Which would average to a six if I didn't have to figure in apologizing to all and sundry. In short hard no. Get a new wingman.
Randomize
