Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
there is nothing more satisfying than playing sudoku while pooping
She was so bad on top that i found myself watching a TV that wasn't even turned on
Wearing the BK Crown on the throne while dropping the kids off at the pool? Yes, one of my life's goals. Win
I was tripping so hard I was disappointed when I pulled back the shower curtain and shrek wasn't standing there
You may want to re-read your sent texts from last night. You were texting me about your "fire shits" spelled 6 different ways between 3 and 5:30 AM.
Jesus Christ. If I were a normal sex-having person, I'd think I was knocked up. I'm cycling through emotions like I'm in a decathlon to crazy.
just chugging fertility tea and vodka, no big deal.
I basically gave Miranda rights to the guy I hooked up with, jus so we were all clear what was happening
She's going to jail in a few weeks but she just got a boyfriend. Yet I'm still single as fuck.
I need to stop acting like a porn star that isn't getting paid
CURRENTLY PLAYING FLIP CUP WITH A WORLD SERIES CHAMPION
Looks like I accidentally stole two of your beers and left my pants at your place.
How did you leave without pants?
My New Years resolution is to not hook up with random guys.
Mine is to not hook up with anyone who has a kid.
I swear my vagina needs to be taken away from me when I drink.
Randomize
