Every morning i wake up and check his twitter like a horoscope
Just got to costco. Where are you?
Liquor aisle, bring another cart.
Youre on making sure I dont black out around fat chicks duty
Those foam number one hands, are the BEST socks.
My getting drunk and marrying a stranger in Vegas final court annulment papers just came in the mail... I might frame that shit
this just proves how much faith i have in "us".. what should we be for halloween..?
So you're mad that you saw a penis at a swinger's party? That's rational
You told me that you were mad me because I wouldn't let you 'explore my castle'. Then you said I smelled like a hospital and passed out.
I tried to take home a cat on broadway last night. I named him Pinocchio and put my purse down on the sidewalk and tried to put it inside it
I'm making poor life decisions again. Tune in tomorrow to see how much I hate life.
Not gonna lie, Wednesday was the perfect day to get laid off, all I've done since is watch the Simpsons marathon
so evidently blowing a guy does not mean he will say hi to you when he sees you in class.. in case you're ever wondering
You got naked in his car? Or the koala suit was in his car? One of those sounds a lot less slutty than the other......
How much weed can I reasonably smoke now if I have to leave for work in a bit over an hour
Just puked most of my soul out..
Randomize
