the ***** family is living proof that there are no more lifeguards in the humen gene pool
Women are like Alzheimers patiens. You can compliment them a million times in a day, but the next day is always a wash, you have to start all over.
I need to stop hooking up with boys in my major. three boys in one class is just a litttle too awkward.
but then i turned into a human whiteboard because i thought it was a good idea to bring out markers
and then some norwegians asked us to be in their porno.
I'll be really easy to find... I'm the naked one rolling around in cats.
He said bow chicka bow wow. I never thought being sexually degraded would be such a turn on.
Remind me not to get naked underneath a tree I'm allergic to again.
I saw pigeons eating ur dried up puke today. Last night was fucking great
We could all 3 jump out of a cake in just tophats. A true marble cake.
OMG. Dad just threw a 100 dollar bill down on the table for a girl to lift her shirt. I think he was kidding, but...
If your nipples ruin my wedding photos I will kill you.
My phone just said I texted someone at 430a and said let's fight. Then I texted them an hour later and said thanks.
There needs to be a greeting card for "I miss having sex and smoking weed with you."
He tried to do a JoJo pose and wound up breaking his wrist in the process. Truly a story for the ages.
Randomize
