I think I just saw someone hide a body.
That's the great thing about NY, if you pee your dress you have an entire cab ride to air dry your panties before the next club.
I just saw a pair of panties stretched over a fire hydrant on campus... I need to get the fuck out of this town
we just watched the ball drop on the spanish channel. best mistake of my life.
I'm not embarrassed about the lap dance. I'm embarrassed for the singing during.
This guy either needs to stop touching me or buy me another drink.
Aqua-barf. When you are about to puke in the toilet but pass out face first instead...and then puke. WITH YOUR FACE IN THE BOWL. There is no escaping the puke ring you have on your face. I know first hand.
Today's forecast is horny with strong chance of booty calls. Low of Craigslist cruising, and a high of climaxing in a stranger's bed.
I just farted in the bathroom and the guy in the stall next to me started gagging. Its a beauitful day
He said I kept trying to give him directions back to my house in Rhode Island, and that I started crying when he told me I live in Phoenix.
He put a canoe in the lazy river at the water and started paddling away from security
I ate icecream cake off your tits for my birthday, if that's not love I don't know what is.
That moment when you realize the hot british guy named rory you drunkenly made out with at a bar is American, is named Tyler, and has a girlfriend.
Who knew that showing someone your boobs would make them stop crying.
You opened the door to your apartment and shrieked "THE CHAIR IS GONE!" then punted a bag of votive candles
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