Yah man, that place is surreal
Man, I'm from Tennessee. What the fuck is surreal?
WHY DOES GOD HATE MY DICK
I've never watched DWTS before, but this show's got Pamela Anderson, Erin Andrews and Brooke Burke: 3 of my top 10 all time most masturbated to women.
so you told her it was a 'nam scar? i mean, how old does she think you are.
He thought I was flirting with him but really I just needed someone to hold me up.
Things I woke up with this morning: half a mcmuffin, orange hair, one shoe and a friendly german man. Tequila was a brilliant idea.
I decided I'm going to give him a celebratory fuck for his accomplishments. Knocked on his door, handed him some condoms and said "I'll be over tonight with sex and booze"
I want to be you.
I LOVE DRINKING BOOZE OUT OF A FUCKING LAMP
You should fuck with them and beat off in the cup and then walk out an be like, "This was a sperm donation right?"
Yeah I fingered her in the crowd and the dj saw it and gave me props over the speakers. I got so many high fives.
I didn't get a chance to take any pics but the mental snapshot of her boyfriend calling her directly after we finished was a really special moment I wish I could properly share with you.
My new dealer was watching Space Jam and eating ham off a frisbee when I went over. He's my new favorite person
First stoner thought of the day: Life would be so much better if there were more things that were biscuits and gravy flavored.
I sent him a cookie cake that said "Congratulations you're not a father"
I woke up with a bunch of jolly ranchers and an eight ball in my purse. Successful
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