Is it gay to rub my penis between my butt cheeks and pretend that they're tits?
Wow! You need to get laid.
just used a caramelizing gun to spark a bowl, i don't think today could get much better than this.
I feel like I bought a front row ticket to watch her screw up her life
we couldn't afford a big pool so we bought 2 kiddie pools and put the inflatable beer pong table inbetween. get over here. now.
If there was a game called "keeping your legs shut," I would lose every time.
I may have just flashed my roommate as he walked in while my towel was falling. Now he knows what an American sized penis looks like I suppose
And I don't know what it is about weed making me want every episode of the real housewives of everywhere
There should be an app that tazers me in my pocket when I'm spending too much money at the bar. Take a hint, Android Network. You slut.
What people don't tell you about near death experiences is they give you a full on chub
I wanted sex but got Ace Ventura: Pet Detective, instead. Then I had to drive 30 minutes home wet. Worst booty call, ever.
THEY SELL PREFROZEN MARGARITAS AND THEY COME WTH A STRAW. MY PRIORITIES ARE IN ORDER
Oh man 11pm. That means it's time to take my shirt off an eat a brownie
COCAINE AND SUSPENSFUL BBC SHOWS DO NOT WORK.
I'll be perfectly honest; there are times other guys have consented to have sex with me because of my punctuation.
Ever try to swallow something and have it go up into your nose instead? Yeah, I just sneezed bacon.
Randomize
