my boyfriend just named your boyfriend's penis.
So his roomate was eating breakfast when I was sneaking out. He's the guy I took home from jessicas wedding. I ended up eating coco puffs with him
Just another sign I need to get out of this town
You want looks pregnant, is pregnant, or the one with a kid.
While I'm in the bathroom taking a piss you think of a way to get us the hell out of here.
The verizon commercial has a magical pinata. Candy just keeps coming out. It must be a portal to a candy universe.
there needs to be a "man fax report". like car fax. type in the guys name and bday and up pops all the bad shit he's ever done.
just had sex with a midget and didnt wrap it... were totally gonna have a tv show :)
Your expertise in crazy bitches is needed.
I'm chugging Gatorade because i drank something called a trashcan and someone named Gianna diamond has my credit card number, and I think I might have ruined my life.
And the clouds opened up and the sex gods said I hate you alfalfa
mary just dropped the yahtzee dice in her wine. and shes throwin em like shes on a craps table.
hahahaha slap the bag.
just start off by saying "hey, i cockblocked my friend last night and need to make it up to him, could you help?"
I have a way to get him back. you're going to have to take one for the team and make a visit to the health department. you in?
I knew from the second he called his penis glorious that I was meant to sleep with him
Would it be appropriate to cancel a hookup to watch the golden globes?
absolutely. tina fey and amy poehler trump everything.
Yeah well I fucked my ex on a sink last night soooo booty calls for us all
Randomize
