i think beer pong is the only time ive ever found a use for geometry
He gave a passionate hug to every tree on the way to my car.
Had a dream I was a monkey and smoked pot out of a bong made out of a tree
I think it was our ex-neighbor Mike. He leaves Taco Bell outside our door a lot
He'll drop off his extra tacos at our place bc he's super high when he orders & can't eat them all
Jen gave my number to some guy she met in NY. He sent me a picture of his weiner. He had nice shoes. I replied with a pic of bacon.
When in doubt always reply with bacon.
I've never seen a dude bust out of his jacket and rock an air banjo like u
Like please, take your microdick and try to stick it someplace else. It is not welcome in my world.
I sent him a tit pic on accident and he replied with "nice ass"
We broke into the kitchen, stole cooking aprons, and wore them on the dance floor.
The Wolf of Wall Street “I ain’t fuckin’ leaving!” speech when the cops broke up your party though...
I banged a guy named Robbie last night and in the middle of sex he begged me to scream santos. I'm pretty sure I just screwed a dude with multiple personalities.
"I'm a professor to university students" I say as I realize I have a nipple piercing that I have no memory of getting
I'm glad you still love me even when I change pants in the kitchen and demand you spoon me
im ready to get drunk and forget everything ive learned this semester
I just made myself 3 peanut butter sammies because I was too hungry to watch porn
Randomize
