a dead guy is trying to sell me oxy clean on my tv
Astroglide: It's like Bengay for your ass.
I have another pimple on my ass cheek.
I'll be there in 10 minutes.
he rolled over in his sleep, called me a hoe and then grabbed my crotch. some things never change, asleep or not.
Fucking freshmen need to learn how to puke in the bushes outside the dorm and not in the fucking elevator.
He made me a "booty call of the year" award.
Doing lines and watching a show on hot dogs around the world ... Why do I do this to myself
Your never gonna wash that desperation outta that sweatshirt you know.
After he finished his girlfriend called him. I sat there, tied his shoes for him, then he high fived me and said "this is gonna be a great summer steph"
If that orgasm indicates how the rest of the year is going to go, I need to buy rain boots.
Just leave a note saying "riding dick see you in the mornig"
I woke up and my pants were in the kitchen but my shoes were next to my bed. Do the math...
just had a woman ask me to donate my eggs so that her baby could look like me. don't know whether to get a restraining order or be flattered. thoughts?
When I told her I was deaf and took my hearing aids out at night to sleep, she said it must be nice not having to hear drunken roommates having awkward sex late at night.
Shes the whorey leader of that wolf pack, and all the less whorey wolves report back to her. She teaches them the ways
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