She has HUUUUUUUGE nipples
how do you have sooo much energy?
billy mays threw in a lil somethin extra when i ordered some oxiclean last week
On my way, I hope you have alcohol for me to blame stuff on...
I wish you got a notification every time someone masturbated to a Facebook picture of you...
I just found a bag of teeth...
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
I need vodka and champagne for my new favorite drink, vodkapagne. Alternative spellings are "vodkapain" and "vom-machine"
You walked up to me, grabbed my face and said "I just peed in the sink!"
I am a figure skater. You should know better than to let me get drunk near any patches of ice during Olympics season.
When i was tripping hard i was banging Jeff's roommate and her room turned into Hogwarts
Also when we were banging i thought my high school librarian was perched up on top of the stereo like a gargoyle but it ended up just being her cat
Currently at a bar observing the mating patterns of drunken people in their 60s. This is hilariously terrifying. Hope he has Viagra.
I know how to kill a man with nutmeg and a sword. You in?
Or nah
we found her. shes in the bathtub full of raw pasta. i dont even know...
Is it sad that my idea of a quality foursome would involve one person eating me out while the other two rub my feet?
I just wanna go home jackoff, eat chicken fingers, drink beer, play halo and go to bed. I'm sick of this shitty school, the shitty kids and having to fucking teach them.
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