I'm looking for sex. Do you know her?
We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
I just had a 2 1/2 hr conversation about the pros and cons of taping your ballsack to your taint, which then led into the unveilling of lady gaga being a hermaphrodite.
Listen, i'm watching playoff hockey and eating waffles. i just don't have time for your drama today.
I think being a buddhist has made me a better drunk
It was a cry at the bar alone type of night, served with a side of passing out facedown in my nachos.
drunk waterpark is besst waterpark.
Why are you always at the walk in clinic, Lady Chlamydia?
You're not allowed to make that my permanent nickname.
If you die first, I'm going to sleep with a pallbearer at your funeral.
I'm seriously considering refraining from drinking on school nights.
I like how you say that with 4 school days left of the school year..
Nothing says "First Single Holidays" quite like getting baked with the guy that took your virginity four years ago.
I mean, the night I fell out of that bus I made you pour vodka onto my wound to clean it, then duct taped a paper towel to my hand and kept drinking.
No one wanted to hang out so vodka and I are hanging out
Well this guy just went into a detailed lecture about how rinos are developing into unicorns.. It's gonna be a good night.
i passed out in front of ihop...for the second night in a row. i think i need to reevaluate my life choices
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