Are you missing anything? I found a wedding ring in my bed this morning.....
Just burped. Tasted like beer and cherios...Beerios. This is gonna be quite a day.
with your vagina and my liver, anything is possible
Ethically speaking on a scale from 1 to morally wrong, how wrong would it be to give babies ambien? Hypothetically speaking.
Haha pretty bummed I didn't stay night yesterday after the bj fest you described
Do ex girlfriends even count for summer sexcapades. Seems like the damage had already been done
Victory lap
I only remembered where urgent care was because it's across the street from my favorite bar
Dude, this guy showed up with a 40 and stayed for two days. I want that lack of responsibility
Dude between pissing everywhere and all of those frogs, that bathroom got wrecked.
The goal for tonight is vagina. In and around. Doesn't matter who. How. Or why.
I had a flashback of using my sock as a napkin after we got taco bell
Just want the two of you to know, I went to a golf tournament today. Respectable, expensive… Flipped the golf cart. Seriously, I'm 40. What the fuck?
Bottom line; if I'm coming out of my bat cave to do the dishes and get a chicken wing and I have no pants or makeup on and my messy bun looks more like Santa got leprosy and crashed his sled into the back of my head then let me be. That's all I'm saying.
The best part about theater chicks is nothing is too cliche or out of line. I just fucked her Braveheart style in my entry way while saying goodbye.
She's dancing around licking a fork of nutella. She is not sober.
Randomize
