Hey look on the bright side if youre preg at least you know it and wont have it in a toilet
oh my god im such an asshole. i just asked the guitarist of bad religion if he was a scalper.
i am making flyers for the homeless letting them know about free chipolte day
You don't even understand how penises react in the cold. I'm like a 8 year old boy right now.
Our phone convo was getting intense. Then I heard her say "quiet mommy is trying to have phone sex"
she found me naked passed out on the toilet and i just kept repeating "i'm like elvis, but not dead."
I feel as though I could trust her, I mean she did tell me she was married before we had sex.
Long labias. Talking about. Too drunk to explain. Tomorrow.
He just asked me if I'd be interested in couples therapy. Fuck my life.
I swear she lies about being allergic to gluten so she'll get all the jack and not have to drink shitty beer like the rest of us
I either have a razor blade lodged in my throat or I've been drinking entirely too much Evan Williams.
So I'm sitting here baked on a bridge thinking about how plants think, I miss you so much
Because 9 pm Thursday you drink a loco cause you just wanna get drunk and have a good time with your friends. Then you wake up on Tuesday and you've had 17 locos and you're pregnant, lying on the side of the road, 3 states over. THAT'S why we don't have only locos parties.
You kept hiding under tables and grabbing people's legs and shouting SHARK ATTACK.
My roommate is fucking his gf in the shower and i really have to pee do i just bust in or pee on his bed
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