oddly enough my penis is pretty tan. the part of my body that gets the least amount of sunlight is tanner than most of the rest of my body.
I think its part of male evolution. Pretty soon they'll have diamonds on them and taste like chocolate.
it felt like I walked into a Tool Academy challenge
Hooked up with my first aid and cpr teacher last night. She dressed as a lifeguard and brought me back to life. Beat that.
stayed up to watch the sunrise..saw an albino taking shots on the quad..it's like there's a whole new world of people out there just waiting to meet us
Just hide your weed in your baby brothers shirt. TSA wont check a baby, thats fucked up
i knew you were okay when you wanted to eat in the ambulance
Next year we will be 30 and no more shots during the week.
So I am just swinging blind here, but I am guessing that blood in your sinus is not ideal
Was that picture taken before or after I supposedly punched him in the face?
i just want to be sober by dinner like is that too much to ask
I feel like I just want to take a shot of jack, have sex, and shoot myself in the face. In that order exactly.
Im wearing a bra. Made of paint.
I am afraid of asking him for his new number so I continue to text the one that's no longer in service.
hey. this is your former cousin. you boned my best friend last night.
I was like ahh were on two different pages, I know there's rumors of me moving to boston but I can't and I'm not adding long distance to the relationship I have with my 31 year old recently divorced ex boss
Randomize
