She is in my trunk
I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
seriously i just wanna be friends
pass
Just saw a commercial bout this girl that lost 54 lbs on a taco bell diet. so thats my excuse.
and then when she swallowed her birth control with a shot of vodka and looked in my direction, i knew it was time to go.
I walked outside out to find her peeing in her toga with a cigar in one hand and her thong in the other
I am dripping wet and slathered in glitter and banana mush. I love gay guys.
you threatened to puke on the table cause they didnt serve eggs Benedict
Couldn't see or hear that well because she hit me on the back of the head with a bat. That is my excuse. Also the gin.
I have pink band-aids all over my body, WHAT HAPPENED?
Keg backpack and a Bike
You left a motherfucking bruise. ON MY TIT. How? How do you even. No.
His status said "sad." of course I liked it. I don't even care that I was the only one. Facebook isn't your god damn journal, we don't care about your problems.
I woke up on my girls floor with a pound of muenster cheese in my shirt pocket
you face planting the wall was epic
did you at least save my tooth
I don’t care how cute or big a guy is I’m done with drunken hand jobs. It was like I was pulling a nine inch bungee cord for 25 minutes. Now My arm and shoulder is dead
Randomize
