I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
Shiiiit I think I'm getting sick. probably had something to do with the fact that i shared my mouth with everyone last night.
Wait. That came out far sluttier than I intended.
your tears are not going to buy me drinks...
This guy legit just tried to LSAT formal logic his way into my pants. Contrapositives and everything.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
if there weren't so many witnesses I 100% wouldve punted that squirrel
I hate when people see you passed out in your front yard and call 911. Like what, you can't take a nap face down on your steps at 4pm?
I cant be sure, but i think ive been drunk in this church before.
Dude, don't put me in a suit and feed me liquor; I'll never go home.
I'm just gonna ride this ego train to sex town
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The magnum condom fits. I feel like a manly version of cinderella
You took the receipt and ate it. You then took it out and gave it to the waitress with slobber and holes all over it.
I woke up spooning with two strangers on Saturday morning... I felt like a sexual sandwich
You were sober bartending last night right?
Sorta. I remember you crying, ripping rose petals off the flower stem and slowly sprinkling them behind the bar at me and singing softly
Romantic
I look forward to getting really drunk tonight and startling some rando’s mother tomorrow morning while she’s up early making a turkey
It’s a holiday tradition at this point
My roommate made maccoroni last nigh dropped the bowl off the counter knocking it into the dog bowl he picked up the dog bowl and started eating it claiming it was te worst Mac and cheese ever and if he wasnt so high he would stop eating it hahahaha
Randomize