They keep asking what you are doing. I told them to quit calling her "what."
I'll let you put expensive food in me, but really, not much else.
I'm not saying he's gay. Just that he prob knows what a dick tastes like
I'd call her a cunt, but she dooesn't seem to have the depth or warmth.
My STD test came back clean. I'd like to thank all the guys I've slept with, they made this possible. I want to say thanks to all my friends, for believing in me living up to the full slut potential. And last but not least, I'd like to thank alcohol. I wouldn't be who I am today w/out you. I feel like I need to frame this...
bro, sorry for: trying to put you on fire yesterday, telling the bouncer that it was you that broke the bottles, and to have slept with your sister.
Unless you consider jello shots food the answer is no there is no dinner here. When u get food get more wine too tired of you coming over drinking all my booze and destroying my vagina
There's a 35% chance I'm still residually drunk from last night.
And you say you're not good with numbers...
The other night I NICELY told her she looked like Jack Sparrow
Who knew you could get a drunk in public when jogging with your dog?
I told her to to let go of her rationtal thoughts and just enjoy the fact that i was going down on her till she passed out from sheer orgasmic pleasure.
dad is drunk and texting us pictures of bread
Did you happen to find my bra? I'm pretty sure I still had it on before we left that bar
I'm going to smell of sex and shame.
How is that different than any other Monday night?
One of the Mormon boys that comes to the door is really sexy and I always think 'I would absolutely destroy your faith'
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