We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
But he was like 75 and lives right near mom and dad. Not a threat at all.
meet me or not, i'm out of control
I think he just gave me the 'I used to fuck your sister' discount
He kept saying that the puke outside the theater wasn't his and it was all a set up to keep him from partying with the whores. Then he passed out on the sidewalk.
His idea of romance is drunkenly leaving me dead dandelions on my car in the middle of the night
As usual, I had to fight him for his car keys. Though this time he made it to the valet garage. All the Hispanic attendants gathered around and watched. Felt like I was in a cock fight.
Long story short he broke into a preschool and threw all their cones into a tree.
You are the only person I have ever seen offer your other drink to the bouncer on two fors night
Bouncers are people too...giant angry people
My mom has had 5 shots of fireball today and she's still functioning normally... She's just extra polite.
Always a gay best friend, never a bridesmaid
Does this mean I have to put a bra on now
Well I kept shouting "you're groovy" at him and then I had a 15-minute argument with the bouncer about how many 9s there are in 100... it was definitely time to go home.
Dude, you ever snap awake on the toilet at work with that panicked, "How long have I been here?!" feeling??
I may or may not have just had sex in the bed of a pick-up at a drive-in movie theater.
Did you put my shoes in the freezer.
Nope. I did however put them in the kiddie pool you pissed in in the living room before Tyler put them in the freezer. Ass hole.
Randomize
