How can something that makes you feel so good one day make you feel so bad the next?
Alcohol?
Sex with a fat chick.
Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
genius alert. I just invented a contraption made of toilet paper and rubber bands that makes it so your balls don't stick to your leg when you wake up from sleeping. I call it, The Balldozer
So, just so you know... Your vasectomy worked.
bonus
I figured he was gay when I walked in on him working out to Flirty Girl Fitness.
some drunk guy just paid $3 for each cig that i picked up off the ground. the cigs that he threw on the ground. I might just follow him the rest of the night
No amount of marijuana is enough to justify blood on my ceiling
I seriously think the toilet is the cleanest thing in their house. At least if I have to worry its not about that.
I haven't been motivated enough for a shirt. And only half the day was bra-worthy.
I got slapped by a drag queen and bitten on the arm by either a random girl or a weird mouth shaped dog. Tough to tell without seeing the teeth
Fuck you, I'm yelling at a mountain right now
He's a doctor now.. hope he can cure his small dick
It was 6am and he went immediately for the 69. WTF?? 6am is WAY to early for acrobatics.
Where is the baby squirrel I found last night?! I've looked all morning I can't find Morris anywhere did someone take him?? ðŸ˜ðŸ˜
Honey, I kept trying to tell you it was just a pine cone.
Just made a secret hand shake with my sisters cat. Boredom at its finest.
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