I need to not be around brick walls while intoxicated.
You stood in front of a yellow Camaro and kept yelling at it to "Transform already!!!!".. yeah, I'd say you were pretty wasted.
I'm questioning the dried chocolate syrup on my tits.
I just found my coat check number in my underwear.
Pretty sure I tied my shoes laces together to keep myself from driving drunk. Fell like six times. Keep forgetting
He deleted all his profile pics with her. It was like the bat signal for single women everywhere.
You put Smirnoff in your grape juice and called it communion...
one of the RAs is here. he told me his name is optimus prime and then took his shirt off and fell down
He came over hammered at four in the morning with roses trying to get me back when my new fling opened the door he just stood there crying for 40mins even after we closed the door
Also, sex on a first date is no, right? Really, I just don't want to clean my apartment, but I'm trying to hide behind "morals" in an effort to appear less lazy.
Ah. Hot spring. Infinitely less skeevy than a hot tub. These North Carolinian dudes are all class.
Did I try to sell your body for chicken tenders last night?
I have done everything sexualally imaginable with that umpalumpa
will you help me invent vagina-safe pop rocks?
its liver damage thursday
Randomize
