Here's the thing. I'm really high and have lots of questions about lightning.
We have to talk through the words with friends chat so his gf won't find out
Tonight will bring shame to my future grandchildren.
Medically YOU CAN'T BE AN ALCOHOLIC TILL 25!!!!! WE GET 3 BONUS YEARS!!!!
Anderson Cooper just came out.
Crying tears of glitter and rainbows right now. Gonna decorate my dildo like My Little Pony in his honor.
Need your help. Dad's drunk and trying to build a still in the basement.
NM he's asleep in a pile of towels. They need to ease people back into Hockey Night in Canada.
You should make a checklist to ensure they are quality material. Here's mine: wearing shoes, not drunk, very hot, has teeth, speaks english. You never know
Do you think next time you could control the yawn? Kind of a buzzkill to be mid-orgasm and see you yawning over there.
What am I doing with my life
Sleeping with dudes who have peacocks apparently.
I may have just poured a honey apple beer onto a dried apple slice to rehydrate it. This is my day.
I just said give me penis or give me death. Some patriot is rolling around in his grave right now.
I feel like we need to find him and explain that if the two of them would just fuck he'd understand.
If I die, sorry about rent.
I'm not drinking for the rest of the week. I need discipline, celery, dick, and a bible.
A drag queen just ate a dollar out of my ass. I don't know which one of us has hit rock bottom
Randomize