He came and then made the Jim Halpert face. does that say disappointment or what
Just tell him to eat fruit before so it tastes good. Then it's just like shotgunning a smoothie
My lips are red and swollen. Solid proof that giving head is a viable alternative to lipstick and plumper.
Can we dedicate this weekends marathon sexcapades to all the haters?
Full contact beer pong was definitely not my best idea.
Might be time to reevaluate my life. Banned from red roofs inns. Apparently I puked in ice machine. 3 hotels in a year.
Never thought I would be taunted by little kids about my walk of shame
He stood me up and then his cat died. I feel like this is Gods way of saying he's on my side, even after the tequila fiasco.
I was hooking up with him and then someone banged on the door and shouted "When you get the chance, will you put the weed on the veranda?"
Can we make 2014 the year of no unsolicited dick pics?
I'm about to have a threesome at the hotel where I had my quinceañera. Becoming a woman under this roof for the second time, whaaat
Your boobs stole my birthday thunder!
Oh my god I'm in a public bathroom with a space heater. I never want to leave
Of course I'm going to see her again. She had waterproof handcuffs in her shower.
COME AND FUCKING GET ME I AM IN SOME SORT OF JUNKYARD!!!
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