He woke up, mumbled "silverware", and went back to sleep
It seems to me that once you begin comparing Jesus to hercules and calling him a super pimp you should put the wine away...
I just had a boat ride of shame. With Senior Citizens.
that's why you don't digest questionable powders from girls wearing tutus at a dirty club
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She sat on the stairs and yelled sex positions at us. I don't remember if we went along with it but judging by the beer and condoms I'm thinking yes.
I thought 4 percs were too many but I'm dumping Gogurt on apple pie and taking giant bong rips. This feels right.
she said i was like a little lamb and she felt bad for luring me into her den of sin. then she blew me.
Being a virgin isn't supposed to be this easy for you.
Its not gay if you're best friends and there's less than an inch of dick in the picture. That's where the line is drawn
I told him he was a man of science and that he should conduct experiments on my tits to see how they stay up. I need you to hold onto my larynx when I'm drunk.
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I suppose I should wish you a happy one year of bumping uglies
After the party last night, I dreamt I continued drinking... Apparently my subconscious didn't think I'd had enough...
i've created a new STD.
He called me at 4 a.m. and wanted me to drive him to McDonald's then drop him off at home. It wasn't even a booty call, it was a fucking chauffeur call.
So I considered mediating this morning and instead I master-bated...same thing right?
I'm like bob the builder except I'm fixing boners.
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