She brought an overnight bag to my party. Might as well have shown up wearing only a thong and a bottle of whip cream in her hand.
the bank didn't screw up, i spent 150$ at mcdonalds last night
First date. He's wearing a tuxedo shirt and keeps asking me about our future children. Escape plan #3 is now in action...
I feel like I've been slapped by Gods icy cold dick of vengeance.
Man the liquor store just wrong numbered me, its a sign even god wants me to drink
I just had sex in a cardigan. Made me feel old. Smarter somehow, but old.
just put an icicle in the bong. best/worst idea ever. i think i can taste global warming right now.
Made dad pull of the highway twice on the way home so I could puke. Yeah i'd say we ended the semester well.
Part of me was thinking I should go old school and get a chasity belt before the semester starts. Really lock that shit down. But then I thought, fuck that. I'm going to hit that campus like an f5 whorenado
Two options. One, you listen while I freak out. Two, we have mediocre to awesome car sex and don't talk. Either way, I'll be there by 7
u kept repeating to itself "hot cheetos and nacho cheese sauce.."
anyone can pick a bar fight and pick up a waitress at a bar, not everyone hangout with two wolves. TWO WOLVES.
It all started with a game of naked twister.
dude it was our first time and her hair caught on fire from the candles on the nightstand
There is no way that actually happened!
the smell of burnt hair covered up the sweaty sex smell.
Is it sad that my idea of a quality foursome would involve one person eating me out while the other two rub my feet?
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